A girl without self-esteem – 覆Tiramisu

Dear Zita,

I am a form 7 repeater. I met a guy in the tutorial centre last year. He is one of the staff in that tutorial centre. I didn't know him at the time at all but we have eye contact ocassionaly (occasionally). I found that I was attracted by him. Later I found that he has sense of humor. Therefore at the Valentine's Day last year, I send him

a Valentine's card to show my interest in him by posting it to the tutorial centre. I left my ICQ No. and email address in the card, and told him to contact me after my A-level Exam.

At that time I just think that I should fight for a chance once in my life. And I have ever thought that I have to repeat (since I know the pressure of retaking the
A-level Exam is so great that I can't afford). After the A-level, he really contacted me through ICQ and we were at first communicate (communicating) quite well. But afterwards since I have to go to have summer job and he online too late at midnight, therefore I haven't chatted with him for nearly two month. In August, I knew I have no offer from the University. I was desperate since I know I have to repeat in order to obtain a Degree for securing the future of my mum and I (I come from a broken family, my mother and my stepfather's relationship is very bad). Therefore I have to choose repeat compulsory.

I have to attend that tutorial class again since that centre is well-known for Economics. Therefore I have to met (meet) him again and therefore my identity exposed. I found that he just pretend that he doesn't know me at all at first. The atmosphere is really bad. I felt very embarrassed and therefore I send offline (offline) message to him lieing (lying) that I have no feeling at him anymore and told him no need to escape from me. My heart was really painful since I know I love him very much. Later, we become "Hi and Bye" friends but without talking to each other. But deep inside my heart I know I really can't forget him. He didn't give me any definite answer whether he accept my love or not from the beginning when he added me on ICQ. I really get no bravery to ask him since I am afraid the answer will be no and I can't accept it (because the experience of no offer is already a big shock to me). Should I try my best to fight for chace (chance) to talk with him face by face again? Should I try to show my feeling on him after my coming-Level Exam?

Tiramisu