從前的男友 – 覆NN

Hi Zita,

Hi! I am in a situation where
I really need your advice. (Thank you)

5 years ago when I was 17/ 18, I lived aborad (abroad) studying. It
was just so happened that this boy (CC) is my flatmate and he is 6 months
older than me.

Basically I was both physically and emotionally attracted to him. We
had sex. But at that time he has a girlfriend and he was the playboy
type and has many other 'partners'.



So I left him when I moved on to another place to study. Also for the
reason that he has been mean to me...Somehow I believe that he knows
how I feel for him.

I have not really contact him for the past 5 years apart from a few
'hi's in the icq. In between this time I have a boyfriend who I love
very much at that time. Last year summer I had a very major operation
-- a tumour operation. Upon the contemplation of death...I really want
to tell CC that I love him...It took me a year to recover and to finish
my degree.

In a way to build up my self-confidence, whenever I am in front of him
or speak to him I would be intimidated ... as CC is from a very rich
family and he is very smart.

I speak to him a week ago.

I contact him by icq then he rings me up (long distance call) we spoke
for 2 hours...I told him that I want to go camping. CC suggested that
I should go to Chicago for a week (where he is currently living)...the
conversation turns out so well that the next day I went to book my tickets...

However, when I rang him up the another day he then told me that he
has a girlfriend... Somehow I have decided to tell him 'everything'...I
told him how I nearly lost my life to the tumour and then I told him
how I missed him. He used to believe that I have given him my first
time (sex)...but then I told him that it was not true. Most probably
I shouldn't have tell him this. He is a very conservative man from a
very conservative family.

In our third converstion (conversation) he keep going on how he loves
his girlfriend...how he wanted to settle down with her...she is smart,
pretty and young. And he is planning to be with her getting marry next
year...He said he is now believed in god and did not have sex for quite
some time and he wanted to wait until marrying this girl!

Worst still, he said that 5 years ago he never knows I was in love with
him…and I was merely a sex tool...that hurts.

Could you advise me what to do? In a way, his happiness is my happiness...I
shall wish him well but it is also true that he is not in love with
me how I wish the bride is me. Is there anything I can do?


NN


Dear NN︰

當一個人完全不愛你,你就只是一廂情願,再痴心下去,就是蠢的表現。

其實,你愛上的只是他的好條件,他根本對你很差。就連騙騙你的話,也沒有說。

你在他眼中,地位低而下賤,他愛自己的女友,你就更顯得級數低微。

算了吧,灰姑娘的童話,不是常發生的。

條件相距不是問題;無愛情於內,才是問題!

深雪覆

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