Can’t sleep without sleeping pills – 覆Mimi


Dear Zita,

Hello! Nice to write
to you again. It's my 2nd time writing to you, the 1st time was in last
year, named "Confused Relationship" posed under 曖昧關係.

This time my question is about "him" again. I eventually got
together with

him
in
last July a month after his broke up with his
previous
girlfriend.




Our relationship started
with our sex relationship at his house since his was so sad about his
broke up, he was drunk. Then, we were like normal friend for a few weeks.
We actually started later when he made up his mind and admitted that
he really loved me. (Regarding my 1st letter to you, we have been keeping
confused friendship-like relationship for over one year).

Unfortunately, just after we've been started, he was laid off by my
company (he used to be my colleague), he was so happy to receive the
large sum of remedy to start his advertising company that he's been
dreamed of for long. We were quite happy at that time (In Aug).

However, since he was not well prepared to run a new business and of
other uncontrollable reasons, his business was very bad and his money
were almost used up. His attitude became to change gradually. And our
relationship became to get worse and worse because of his bad temper.
Since he has started his business, I've tried all my best to support
him, regarding business things like promotion, accounting, sales...and
lastly even gave him money for buying equipments, internet fee using
my card (cause he can no longer be able to get one), production fees
(about his advertising jobs) and his daily livings. (Up to present he
owe me over $55000+, excluding the coming internet fees). You know,
I even deposited money to his bank account secretly! Regarding his mental
support, I sent him lots of encouraging SMS, saying lots of love and
caring words in order to let him know that I was always there for him
for everything.

In last Nov., his business
got a better changes, he got a new good partner bringing him a stable
and big client. And out relationship became better again. On the other
hand, he was too busy to entertain me cause he had lots of work. To
talk about our dating history, since we got together we have never been
to shopping or seeing movie...or any stuffs that normal lovers do. He
had never held my hand, he said it was his habit. Cause he lives in
the same building with me, our dating were mainly to go to his house
to see VCD, to go restaurants or supermarket. Normally I would stay
at his house overnight for 1-2 times a week. During our 5-6 months relationship,
I can clearly remember that we had only 3 real dating (that is leaving
the area that we live): to go to eat in some better restaurants/hotels
cause he said he didn't have the chance to taste good food for long
and all was paid by me (cause he had no money). But since he got this
big client, he was too busy that I always have to wait for him to come
home in order to see him. Because I love him so much and couldn't expect
when he would be available, I rejected all my gatherings with other
friends just to wait for him at home. Due to his job nature that working
hours is too unstable, our chances too see each other became less and
less. But our relationship was OK.

Our relationship got a sharp change since the time I went for holiday
during X'mas, I left HK for 11 days. It was his suggestion that I finally
decided to go for this trip because he didn't want me to be bored as
he got lots of work. I have begged him for a X'mas dinner for 2 days
before I left HK, you know he rejected at first because he said he was
busy but because of my sincerel (sincere) asking, he accepted but only
gave me 2 hours. Yes, the night before the X'mas dinner I bought him
a present, he was so happy and said thank you from the bottom of his
heart. About the dinner, it was a sad memory. When we were eating, he
asked me whether I know where to buy a specific toy for his cousin.
He said he arrived 1 hour in advance to look for it but still couldn't
find it. I then decided to finish the dinner earlier in order to search
for the toy together with him. After that rush dinner, he went to his
work place, he asked for a breakfast gathering with me down the building
we live before I depart. During that night, his attitude was OK. But
in my heart, I wonder why he thought about buying present for his cousin
but not for me.

The next morning, his bad temper came again because of no reason. His
face was black and when I said Merry X'mas to him, he told me rudely
that I had a hair on my face and asked me to look at the mirror. We
then kept silent. I bravely asked whether he had the intention to buy
me X'mas present, he answered "no". I asked why for his cousin
but not for me, he said he used to his cousin X'mas and it didn't cost
much money. My heart was almost broken. We left the restaurant without
saying a word.

Before my flight departed, I gave me a call told him that I loved him
so much and asked him to treasure our relationship, he said he was wrong
this morning. He promised to call me at that night (you know I even
open an IDD account using my card for his mobile and his home telephone).
Of course, he didn't call me that night, I called him the next day and
asked him why, he said he was busy. During my trip, he didn't called
me even once although he had promised. I called him at 00:00 on 1 Jan.
he wasn't surprised. He had no mood for celebration. I started to think
about our break up.

When I arrived the HK airport, I called him, he was working (at 11p.m.).
He asked me to call again when I arrive home. When I called at home,
no one reply.

The next day I called again and again, still no reply. In the evening,
I called his home number his brother answered, I said I wanted to go
to their house since I've a gift for him. At that time, "he"
wasn't at home. A few minutes later when I arrived, I heard "his"
voice...his brother opened the door. I stepped in and asked if "he"
was back. His WAS just back! I went to his room, his back was facing
me, I gave him the gift, I asked him what happened these days. He said
he was in very bad mood and asked me to leave. I didn't leave and keep
asking why for a few times, he left the room. A few seconds later he
came back to the room and asked me to leave immediately! I had no choice
but to leave!

2 hours later he called and said he forced to pay $30000 to his client
because of some production materials produced wrongly but not because
of his fault. He has to pay in order to keep this client. But either
he or his partner has no money and therefore, worry! He said he didn't
want to talk more and have lots of works to do. Since this incidence,
he no longer kept his habit to call me every night before I sleep.

Since then, we've never met for 2 weeks even I've asked for many times.
Even he was at home, he didn't allow me to visit him to disturb him.
I asked over the phone what it meant, and whether he loved me. He said
it wasn't big deal, just too busy that we couldn't meet and he loved
me, but he has many other important concerns to think 1st. (A little
bit about the credit system of the advertising industry, the cilent
(client) won't pay 3 mths after the job was done, but they have to bear
all production costs first).

2 weeks later, I forced him to see me and I asked for break up. He was
so calm but I couldn't stop crying. He agreed to break up cause he said
it was good to me and I no longer have to wait for his call every night.
He said it was only a temporary break up, we were still good friend.
He even said he may chase me back some time later.

After the break up, he still called me sometime, but 8 out of 10 were
to ask me to do things for him (job related) and there were 2 times
to ask for my money. (Up to this moment, the client still hasn't paid
them a dollar!) Although I didn't want to, every time I couldn't control
myself and said "yes".

Zita, am I being used? Does/Did he love me now and the past? Will he
come back? What should I do? Should I get the money back? How to get
the money back (without written agreement between us)? How to forget
him???? I totally trust you can give me inspirations!

I have been taking sleeping pills for 2 months since this incidence,
I want a good sleep without sleeping pills! Zita, please help!

Wish you all the best!

I feel deeply sorry that my letter is so long, please forgive me!

Best regards,


Mi Mi


Dear Mi Mi︰

這是一段不快樂的關係,你不斷付出,但他只覺得你應份。

而這個男人,不體貼、不感激、惡言相向,亳無情趣?而且,更是非常無情。

你覺得他愛你嗎?我一點也看不出。一個男人,無論再忙,也會有想與愛人共聚的時刻,但每一次,你不迫他,他都不露面。有甚麼理由,連戲也沒法看一齣?

算了吧,付出了的就算。錢那方面,如果你決定了真的不再愛他,才向他追回來吧。但問題是,他連幾萬元都週轉不靈,看來,你也當是買個教訓好了。

你的最大缺點是憤怒,以及不懂得控制他和你自己。你愈憤怒他就愈想避開你,你愈縱他,他就愈對你差。

其實,你早該向他投訴他不帶你出街、不體貼你這些苦況,而不是死忍之後又痛恨他。你更加需要學習一邊留在他身邊,一邊慢慢回收自己感情的秘技。當一個男人如此冷待你,你無理由還一點一點加添去愛他。

我建議你百分百離開他。他都沒當過你是愛人,你只是一名貼錢買難受的笨員工。

而下次,你一定要學懂,當一個男人不愛你,不對你好之時,你要學識如何不去愛他。

深雪覆

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