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Zita,
Been reading a lot of your
articles and email, love the sight and thought that you have, let me
get to my questions.
Me and this guy been together for seven months already. Of course, not
a regular relationship, by that I mean he has a gf and I have a bf to
start with. They've been together for ten
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years, and my bf and I for over six years. In the beginning, I didn't
want to break up with my bf, I don't want to hurt him, and this other
guy told me he won't break up with his gf anyway. But as time passes by,
I have stronger and stronger feeling for this other guy, and of course,
me and my bf been having problems for at least a year, I wouldn't say
this other guy is the only reason that now I want to leave my bf, but
he definitely is one of the factors.
Between me and this other guy, we started off great then pretty rocky.
Through a lot of talks and reading your articles, I understand if I push
him too much, he's going to run away. I don't mean I push him breaking
up with his gf, and I never did, but I know I always complaint he is not
considerate enough, he doesn't spend enough time with me, I am so unimportant
to him, etc. About a month ago I tried to be more understanding, if he
said he can't do it then I will just let it be, and always tell him I
appreciate everything he does for me, and be more independent, etc. We
are doing very well now, he actually spends more time with me now than
before, and I could see him trying to do everything he could in his premise.
We talked about whether he thinks we have a future or not, he answered
he doesn't know. What I think is: at least it's better than when we started
off in the beginning that he told me he won't break up with his gf, so
it was a definite "no" to a "maybe" now.
Zita, what do you think? All my friends tell me to leave this other guy,
and if I don't leave him and reconsider my relationship with my current
bf before making a final decision whether to leave or not, it's not fair
to my bf, but I just couldn't let go of this guy. I never did so much
for a guy in my live, and he said the same thing for me too.
Thanks.
Jaddi
Dear Jaddi︰
看來你算handle得好。
這個男人有拍拖七年的女友，對你，當然不會全情投入，他不會與七年女友分手的話，你永遠只是一個外人。他不會投入，為了他自己，亦為了你。他要清楚你明白他的狀況，如果你仍然想與他一起，你要預料受苦。
最可行的方法是你放棄本來的男友，事關你也不想要他了。然後，又物色一些新男友的人選，最後，留下這位有七年拍拖經驗的男人做阿二。
你明白嗎？他也覺得，他做你的阿二最適合。他根本不想對你付太多的責任。
深雪覆
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