傷害而深 – 覆Kaka

 

Hi Zita,

I am suffering under an un-believeably
complicated relation-ship and I am feeling very pathetic about myself.

I met my boyfriend, Wah, at work and we worked very closely together
for 2 years. He became my manager after 1 year, and our relationship
was very

close. When I realized I have
feelings for him, he had a girlfriend at that time so I didn't tell
him. Then I met his twin brother on a ski trip. His brother feel in
love with me and chased after me. Although I didn't love his brother,
I still went out with him for 1 month because he was so much like Wah.
That was the biggest mistake of my life.

Straight after Wah found out his brother was going out with me, he immediately
told me he had always liked me as well. After 2 weeks he managed to
persuade me to breakup with his brother and go out with him. I was very
reluctant at that time because I felt very guilty towards his brother
who was so nice to me. I also was very afraid of the consequences of
going out with Wah after I've been together with his brother. But at
that time, Wah promised me he will stick with me no matter what his
family will think and he will also take me to work in UK with him. He
really did steal my heart, I feel so in love with him. So in the end
I broke up with his brother, and Wah and I kept our relationship in
secret. He promised he will tell his family and friends when things
settle down, I believed him and I waited and waited for that day.

It is now been 8 months and our relationship is still underground to
everyone but 3 friends. I think from what I can remember, only the first
2 months I was truly happy with him. After that things just got worse
and worse. He slowly no longer treated me the same way as he used to,
and he hardly spends any time with me. He is still unwilling to tell
people about us because he doesn't want to look bad. I feel that he
only comes to see me when he wants to have sex. He has also done a lot
of hurtful things to me, and I know he has always been secretly seeing
his ex girlfriend. I know this because when I talked to his brother
again, who doesn't know I am going out with Wah, he told me Wah is still
going out with that girl. I've confronted Wah about his ex, but he just
denied it and I can't do anything but bear the pain for fear of loosing
him.

He did not spend X'mas, New Years Eve or Valentines Day with me, and
I know it was because he spent it with his ex. I've spent those days
crying at home. Apart from his ex, he also spends at least 3 nights
a week drinking with people at work. There are girls in that crowd and
they are very close. I've seen them drinking together and they would
hug each other, muck around and talk about personal things. That drives
me crazy with jealousy. He doesn't even spend weekends with me and only
come very late at night to have sex with me.

He has inflicted me so much pain. I am so hurt by his actions and the
way he treats me. I feel so pathetic that I am putting myself down to
be with him, but I just can't help it. I cry at least 4 nights a week
over him and I can't eat or sleep properly. I have lost 7kgs since I
started going out with him.

I know by now you and other readers are reading this, you will all think
I am a very stupid woman. You will all be wondering why I am still with
a man who probably doesn't even love me. We have actually broken up
twice in these 8 months. Both times were initiated by me. The first
was when I found out about his ex, and the second was when I was just
breaking down. But I am so hopeless. Both times, I asked him to come
back to me, and he did. I feel I can't live without him as I just totally
breakdown when we breakup, but I guess its really no difference because
the pain I feel when we breakup and the pain I feel when we are together
is the same pathetic, mind blowing pain. I think he is still with me
because he feels bad about leaving me and because I treat him so well,
I make him feel very special, almost like a king.

I know I am so pathetic, so hopeless, but I can't help how much I love
him. My love for him is so strong that I feel I can do anything for
him. I'm even thinking of getting pregnant so I can make him stay. I
can't live without him and yet I am so hurt and upset when I am with
him.

I will really appreciate Zita and any other readers point of view on
how I should deal with this pathetic situation. I am in tears and feel
trapped within my own depression.

Thank You.


Kaka




Dear Kaka︰

整件事最要檢討的就你自己。

你明白女人的新戀愛守則嗎?

男人,存在的目的是要令女人快樂。

而你,完完全全破壞了整個愛情守則。

一個已經把你當成sex partner的男人,很難才會重新把你看待為女朋友。他把假期送給ex與及豬朋狗友,可見他不是無情,而只是對你一人殘忍。

他只給你性,因為他發現,只有性才是他能夠提供的溝通。我不認為他是喜歡你,我只認為他在可憐你。

你再找不回自己的話,你的下場將會非常悲慘。

無人可以幫你,除了你自己。

狠下心離開他,別讓他虐待你。整件事,是你自己最變態。

對不起,我措詞強硬,但我真認為如此。

深雪覆

 

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