Hello Zita,

It's my pleasure to talk with
you here. Hope you can answer my questions.

Me and my bf have been going out for over 2 years already. For the first
year of the relationship, it was so perfect! We were so in love with
each other. We saw each other every single night after work. And we

couldn't help seeing each other
again on weekends. Everything was going on so well. Until after a year
time, things got changed worse.

Since he changed his job, and he started to think of his career more;
plus he started to experience more of his life with the new guys he
met at his job. He started going out a lot with his friends. Since I
was still young and immature back then, I complained a lot about it.
After a year of unhappy time, he called for a break-up. Of course I
was so devastated, 'cos actually we both loved each other a lot, but
it's just we didn't know how to be understanding to each other.

After one month time, he saw me dancing and talking with a guy friend
at the bar, he started feeling uneasy seeing me with other guys. So
he went talking to a female friend about his feelings for me (he still
didn't know why having the feelings), until the female friend has talked
him out all the truths about a relationship. Finally he realized he
has made his faults and he called me out and told me he still loved
me a lot. So we got back together.

Since then we've been working on truly towards our relationship. I started
to be more understanding whereas he started to learn how to be more
caring. Things were going great! We've been going on like this for another
4-5 months. Until after my birthday, he started to think that he has
lost passion on me. He thought a year ago when we first got together,
we would go plan ahead how to celebrate my b'day with me, how to surprise
me in order to please me. He loved that being in love.
But now, he thought that he's just another b'day, and he couldn't find
the motive or drive to make himself to surprise me! He thought he has
lost passions and feelings for me.

He told me that he's in need of that feeings (feeling) and that he treats
me just like part of his family. I told him it's normal to not feeling
like the way it was before since we're just taking our relationship
to another level. He doesn't understand it at all and called for another
break-up with me.

I know it's something to do with his previous 8-year relationship. Since
he didn't feel like loving his ex at all, so he didn't wanna waste her
time anymore and quit the relationship. Since then ppl all told him
how much a jerk he is. Though his ex has married, this is like a very
big reminder to him that once he doesn't feel the passion and feeling,
he'll quit. But we're just different 'cos he still told me he still
cares about me and I was so important to him and nothing like the way
he's with his ex. But he just didn't understand we're just getting more
stable and mature.

Zita, how can I tell him it's normal to be feeling the passion dying
down but just simply taking the relationship to another level? I really
love this guy. I'm sure he still has feeling for me just that he's confused
with his life and scared by the mistake he made on his previous relationship.
Hope you can help me out here! Thanks a lot!



Dear Music︰