自私的男人 – 覆Cordie

 

Dear Zita,

I haven't been seriously reading
about your articles until recently. I was trying to read about other
people's stories and get some insights from your advice about their
problems.

I have been living in the U.S. since junior high school. When I met
my


current boyfriend (or friend), he moved here from HK to start his college
life. At that time, I just finished college and started working (so we
have four years difference in age). We kept a regular friendship until
my friend finished his college 400 miles away from where I lived. When
we first fell in love, we both planned to have a long lasting relationship
because the pain from previous relationships were still somewhat fresh.

For six years, we tried very best to keep our relationship because we
live 120 miles apart and have not let our parents know about us being
together.

After my friend obtained his permanent residency in the States last July,
I have hoped that our relationship will not be a secret anymore. All these
years, he didn't want my parents to think that he dated me for the "green
paper." I wasn't brave enough to ask him for our future; I kept thinking
that a marriage paper wouldn't tie a person down if he doesn't want to.
But he took a trip back to HK last fall. Within two weeks, he dated the
girl that he has a crash on 15 years ago! She stood him up last time he
asked her out about seven years ago (when he took a trip home during Christmas
school break). I have no idea that since they started talking through
e-mail about one or two years ago, he developed stronger feelings for
her day by day. So after last year's trip, he wanted to provide for her
future and mine. He didn't want to hurt nor lose either of the women he
claimed to be his love.

I was mad for a month and didn't ask about his decision until last week.
When early March comes, he will go back HK to his friend's wedding. Of
course, he will see her again. He plans to pursue her or build a relationship
with her until she refuses him. I tried very hard but couldn't understand
why she would want him all of a sudden, knowing that he has a girlfriend?
But no doubt, he should be blamed for leading me to think, I am the only
one whom he wants to be with, because he said I have treated him the best
(besides his family).

Almost all my friends ask me to leave him, for that he doesn't really
love me. He kept saying that we will be together in the future, just that
he needs to find out this woman's feeling for him, even on his dying bed.
What should I believe? Is he a looser who isn't capable to make up his
mind? He said I'm too selfish to just wanting him to myself! Am I suppose
to share him with another woman? Now that he just reaches the thirty years,
is he having a crisis of confusion?

I don't think he's happy during all these years. He has his parents, sisters,
and a lover in HK. I asked him to take a long vacation home so he will
smile again if deciding to come back here for a new career. Is my advice
good enough? Should I stop visiting him or going with him completely?
Or I should stop sending emotional letters to him online?

Meanwhile, I feel that I'm failing of keeping him and have our relationship
falling apart just within two weeks of time.

Thanks for listening. Thank you in advance for your advice.

Sincerely,


Cordie




Dear Cordie︰

這個男人在擔誤你的青春。

你覺得你與他一起會快樂嗎?你為他付出,然後他一句「心思思」就回香港追求夢中情人,更怪責你霸住他。

這種男人,會給你幸福嗎?

別浪費時間。張開眼睛找尋另一個吧!

深雪覆

 

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