to. People keep telling me that I'm young, pretty, and there're many
choices around me. I always thought I'm a moral person and I'm a good
gf (girlfriend). So if I have a bf (boyfriend), I won't see other guys.
arose last week when we had a small fight. I got really upset and went
to a coffee shop by myself. And there, I met an extremely good looking
European guy. He sat right beside me, and we started to chat. I cannot
deny that I was totally attracted by him. I had strong feelings, and
it was like love at first sight. I found out that he is a model working
for CK, few years older than me and he just moved here 2 months ago.
We ended up having dinner together that night. He had my phone no. and
he kept calling me the following days. I'm sure he has feelings for
me. We got quite close already the second time we saw each other. So
I felt so guilty that I told him I had a bf. So he immediately backed
off and he never try to get close since then.
guy and I had been meeting almost every day for the whole week. Because
for a few days after me and my bf's fight, my bf went traveling. Now
that he's back, I feel so guilty. So I decided to delete that guy's
phone no. and never see him again. I did not want to keep letting myself
indulge in feelings. The problem is right after I deleted his phone
no, I ran into him again at the coffee shop. I was so surprised and
I just couldn't believe we would just run into each other like that.
The scary thing is that he told me he was about to change phone no.
friends told me I should not see that guy again, but I just cannot forget
him, plus all the fateful things that seem to be happening between us.
Sometimes I wish I did not have a bf at this moment. Now whenever I
am with my bf, I feel weird. I even think about that guy when me and
my bf make love. And I really really hate this feeling. It is guilt.
I'm like cheating on my bf. I know I'm not going to give up my bf. It
would be ridiculous if I did. Because for the European guy, he's totally
not the kind of guy I want to have long-term relationship with. I cannot
even compare him to my bf, because they're too different to be compared.
They're from different worlds. Yet I have strong feelings for the European
guy, so strong that it's overwhelming. Sometimes me and the European
guy would just look at each other in the eye, and we don't say anything.
I feel passion and romance. It is something that I've never experienced
I am a very selfish person. I want to keep everything, and I know it's
impossible. I feel that I'm digging a hole for myself, and I'm getting
deeper and deeper. I'm very scared, and I feel I can't control myself.
want to suppress my feelings for that guy because I am sure I would
feel even more for him. My best friend told me just keep seeing that
guy since my feelings may only be temporary. Once I lose interest in
him, I will be back to normal with my bf (as long as he doesn't find
out anything between now and then). However, I have no idea how long
it would be before I lose interest in him. I cannot just wait because
I don't want to suffer by myself right now.
this is a long letter, but I hope you can still put it on the web.