Love him or not? – 覆Suz

Dear Zita,

I've been reading a lot of your articles and
quite a number of your books. Here, I would like to share with you my
recent experience.

He's a guy from my office, 7 years younger than
me. When I first joined the company, I sat next to him and he tended
to take care of me. Eventually, we went out for a lot
of

activities, initially
with the other colleagues and it soon became only the two of us. I knew
from day one that he has a girlfriend overseas and that they've been
together for 8 years. He told me that he's not happy with that relationship
as he found that his needs have changed over the years. We started off
two months ago, right after Valentine's Day. During this time, I struggled
a lot to convince myself as being the "third person" and pushed
him, from time to time, to make his choice. He told me that it's difficult
for him to choose now as he really needs to find out whether his girlfriend
still suits him, but he thought that I am a lot more better than her.
We've broken up once coz (because) he didn't want to drag me on, waiting
for him to make the choice, but he changed his mind over the night and
told me that he wanted me to continue to be his girlfriend.

We've had a lot of great times
over these days; we've been going on a trip after Easter and I've been
staying in his home for almost two weeks. The hardest times were when
he had to answer her phone calls in my presence. I would usually cry
over it. Several days ago, he told me that he has broken up with his
girlfriend and he wanted to keep me as a good friend for now. He said
he's still not sure what he wants and he needs time to figure it out.
He still wants to see me and go out with me and care about me. I find
it hard to believe coz I was expecting to choose either one of us but
it now turns out to be totally out of control. I can't bear the idea
going on without him but it's torturing me to see him everyday in the
office and knowing that he still cares a lot about me.

Zita, what do you think his
intentions are? He told me to give him some time to think over this.

Best regards,

Suz


Dear
Suz︰

這是十分典型的三角關係。作為第三者,當然要受點苦。

他是喜歡你的,但他要選擇,也是十分苦惱。

其實,決定權不在你,在他。他要揀誰就揀誰。你們已有快樂的相處經歷作基礎,他已可以判斷是你還是她更適合。

第三者,根本不用花腦力去想些甚麼,他揀了你,你才決定以後如何與他相處吧!他不揀你,便做回朋友好了。

深雪覆

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