critical situation – 覆Yont

Dear Zita,

I have a serious question and definitely need
your help. Tony and I have been friends for more than 8 years, and we
always consider each other as best best friends. But something happened
between us a year ago. Last year in March I broke up with my ex-boyfriend
and I came back to HK for traveling for 2 months (I was working in US
at that time). Of

course I told
my best friend my story and he told me he wanted to be with me. He told
me he wanted to be with me for a long time but unfortunately I had my
ex-boyfriend so there was nothing he could do before. I was so suprised
(surprised) because I knew that he had a girl friend already, and I
told him I needed to go back to US for my work. As a result, I rejected
him. He told me he would be waiting for me. We still sent me email with
each other very often and still treated each other as best friends.
But, I knew that I started to fall in love with him.

I came back to HK 2 months ago.
When we go out, we hold and kiss each other, just like boyfriend/girlfriend.
But, I know that he is still with his girlfriend. I told him already
that I was so confused and I couldn't share him with another girl (I
mean his girlfriend). He then asked me if I really love him or just
because I lost my ex-boyfriend so I needed someone for replacement.
He kept saying that I was lost in my mind for now because I was deeply
affected by his words before. He said he is still not ready for marriage,
and if one day he wants to get married, he for sure will be with me.
He said last year he really wanted to be wtih (with) me but he knew
that wasn't love him at that time, so he said do not push myself to
love him. He said he can't make a decision for now. The reason why he
is still with his girlfriend is because they have no future (her girlfriend
knows already) and he doesn't need to responsible for anything. But,
he said he never wants to hurt me and he knows that he is not stable
in love at this moment (and he said I am not stable in love too because
I just lost my ex), he kept saying he cares of me and my feeling.

But, what I feel so strange
is that after we talked about this a month ago, when we go out together,
we still like boyfriend/girlfriend. We kiss, hold and feed each other
in the public. But I kept telling him that he is always my best friend.
And, he knows that. Even we email each other, he will say something
like miss me, and want to be more close to me and some other "kissing"
words . So, what should I do for now? I am so confused about our role.
Is he my boyfriend, or best friend? I found out that I love him a lot.

Regards,

Yont


DearYont︰

明顯地,你們已是男女朋友,你們心中有對方,而且行動又熱情如火。

只是,男女朋友都有好多種。他的意思是,他愛你,但他不想在短時間內settle
down。他愛你,但不希望你有婚姻的幻想。他想為浪漫而愛你。

你呢?你心目中所想的又是何模樣?如果你想要一段可以結婚的愛情,我勸你以平常心,玩玩、開心一下的態度與他相處,要不然,你在日後只會不滿與迷惘。

你也愛他,你是分不到手的了。如果我是你,他的態度只是玩玩,自然我也要玩玩,最好同時候另外交多一名男朋友,平衡這種不認真的愛情的失落。

深雪覆

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