近年香港出現了很多新世代「怪獸家長」,而日本除了怪獸家長外,還有一款「家長特產」;他們的特質是:認為自己的小孩是世上最CUTIE 的。日本人稱這些父母為「親バカ (OYA BAKA)」。




「他很かわいいね (kawaii)?我真是個幸福的媽媽!」她自豪地感歎。明顯地她正踏上「超煩戇膠」進化之路。我向這位乘客提供最真誠的笑容,更給聖嬰一些糖果。做了少爺數年,有時都懷礙自己是圓滑,還是虛偽。一轉身,差點反白眼反到con 都掉了出來。


我一抱起「聖嬰」,他便頓時哭號、大叫、再送我一個耳光,好吧,我不是「the chosen one」。我不是他心裡那條蟲,只能懷疑他已用了最低武力和十分克制。結果當然是全機人都注視著我。「你對我的寶貝做了什麼!」「膠母」瞬間便把兒子搶回去。我也頭也不回地返回自己的崗位,面紅耳熱地離開尷尬的現場。




Idiotic Parents

There is a term in Japanese describing parents who consider their kids the cutest creatures in the whole universe. A direct translation will be “idiotic parents” (親バカ).

The passenger information said an “idiotic mother” complained about the inadequate attention she got from the crewmembers on her previous flight: the flight attendants didn't chat with her at the galley area, wash the baby’s milk bottle, play with her son ...

My senior automatically apologised to her the minute she boarded. I smelt trouble.

The first meal service started. As usual, we were all rampaging crazily in the galley. She, however, was leisurely having a walk with her baby, blocking the narrow aisles from time to time. “Isn’t he just lovely? I really am the happiest mom in the world,” the shameless mother said. I produced the most genuine smile, waved at her son and even offered him some sweets. Now, in retrospect, I can’t help wondering how I could be that fake. Diplomatic, I mean. The second I turned away, I cursed.

“Please hold the baby for Mrs Idiotic as she wants to have her lunch now,” my Japanese senior stopped me from collecting the passengers’ meal trays. “But everyone’s waiting,” I protested. “I will do it,” she rolled her eyes.

The moment I held the boy, he cried, screamed, and slapped my face. I almost opened the emergency door and threw him out of the flight. His cry for his mom resonated far beyond the Economy Class. I swivelled my head around and found that everyone was staring at me, snickering. Like mother, like son. “What did you do to him?” Mrs Idiotic snatched the dinosaur from my hands and I nearly dropped him. Whatever. I instantly returned to work, my face burning.

An hour later when her son finally stopped fidgeting, sleeping quietly in the baby bassinet, Mrs Idiotic decided to eat. She enjoyed her meal like she was in a French restaurant – it took her an hour and twenty six minutes to finish everything.

She beckoned to me to collect her tray. My smile dropped completely, my eyes flickering between her and the baby diaper which smelt of freshly made poo on the tray.

“ありがとうございます...” (Thank you)